JENNIE
Jennie has been feeling really depressed. I guess you could say that she's been that way for quite some time. Other emotions: anger, resentment, frustration. I've felt these same feelings and have often shared them here.
Yesterday morning she came home from work in time to head back out to an appointment. I later saw her when she came into the restaurant where I work. By the time I arrived home (circa 4:15 PM), she hadn't gone to bed yet.
She had a lot on her mind, and I let her talk. Then I got a little scared when she said she was having suicidal thoughts. Whereas I use self-injury to cope, she uses food, namely sugar.
I'd been urging her to call the Crisis Care hotline so that she could speak with someone, and even get help for her depression, etc. Finally, I called the number and handed the phone to her. She talked with a woman on the phone for some time. This woman asked if she wanted to go to their office last night; Jennie said she was feeling like she'd be okay just to go in tomorrow (this morning). So she made an appointment for 10 AM.
I remember, two years ago, when my mom first moved up here, that my mom wound up in the hospital for a week. I really hope that isn't necessary for Jennie, although I have to consider the possibility.
I feel sad and a little worried for my wife. She is the love of my life, and I want her to feel better.
I've seen her pull back from God so much over these past couple of years. I've encouraged her to draw near to him, thinking that, maybe he's allowing all the things that are going on to happen so that she will turn back to him. "What if God is allowing all this to happen to humble you?" I inquired gently.
She has expressed that she feels it's useless to pray. It's as though doing all the spiritual things like praying, studying the Bible, meeting with others, are not working. I know I've felt that way at times myself.
I told her that I was committed to being there for her no matter what. When we got married, I sang Steven Curtis Chapman's song "I Will Be Here" to her as part of my wedding vows. I told her that I Will Be Here no matter what happens.
I need to be careful of using pat phrases like that, however. Because they can and have been overused, in time they seem to lose their meaning. It's a little bit like singing the same songs again and again at church; after awhile we get so used to the words that we stop meditating on their meaning.
KEISHA
Keisha has also had a tough week. Her school is conducting Terra Nova testing, which is supposed to give an idea of how kids might perform on future standardized tests. I guess it also may indicate where the school can improve in their instruction, etc.
She loves to read, which fires Jennie and I up to no end. It's becoming so common for her to pick up a picture book we get from the library and read it out loud to us. Some of the multi-syllable words I help her sound out. Then after she's read it to me, I sometimes review it with her to verify she understood what the story was about.
I love going to the library to pick out books for her. Because I want reading to be fun and the time we read together to be fun, I've opted for Humor books. Our library places a humor sticker on those books deemed as such, which makes them easy to spot.
Keisha also loves to draw. It's evident in that her default activity is to grab some paper and some crayons, markers, etc. and start drawing.
But math appears to be a bit more difficult. Perhaps it's because it can be rather abstract to see numbers on a page and not be able to instinctively see their meanings. I try to think back to when I was learning addition and subtraction and how I was. Unfortunately, I cannot remember.
She also gets easily frustrated when she's not picking the information up. I'm challenged by this because I can be the same way. I also have to be careful not to get impatient with her and be sure to encourage her.
There were some particular problems she had for homework that were bothering her. I finally had the idea to use pennies out of her bank as visual aids. That seemed to help. What helped even more, according to Keisha, was that I was there to help her.
I'm not a psychiatrist and I know I'm not qualified to diagnose my daughter, but, as someone with ADHD, I can say that I see some signs of it with her. As I would talk with her about her homework, she would play with her pencil and eraser - distracted. I found that frustrating because I felt that she wasn't paying attention to me.
ME
I'm learning to take advantage of my day planner. I look forward to using colors, etc. to make appointments, etc. stand out. (I realize that this might sound a bit strange to you all.) If I can make my organization system fun, colorful, and interesting, then I think I'll have a good chance of keeping up with it.
I would love to have a coach; someone to help keep me on track, etc.
I'm learning to use timers: for example, the kitchen timer has gone off four times since I began this post to remind me that I need to leave for work. My watch alarm has a "snooze button" effect in which it sounds five minutes after I touch the particular button. I use that to remind me that I need to take my medicine and when I need to get ready to leave work, among other things. I'm using other alarm clocks, too.
I hope that eventually stuff like this will become second nature to me and help me be more effective.
There is so much more that I could probably talk about - I need to talk about - but I need to go for now. (like we found out yesterday that our Transitional Medicaid expires at the end of this month for Jennie and I. This means we'll have no insurance. Ugh!)
Pray for us.
