Out of Office Replies

A coworker forwarded this "memo" to me, and I submit it for your consideration. It is especially funny considering we use Outlook at work, and my coworkers are still learning how to use the Out of Office feature:

Hello , As we enter the vacation period, it is imperative to note the importance of the out of office reply when you are on vacation. Please feel free to utilize any one of the following:

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctor having my brain removed, so that I may be promoted to management.
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when your return, you can see how many in-duh-vidals did this over and over).
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
10. I've run away to join a different circus.
11. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Loretta" instead of "Steve".