'It's not good-bye - it's good journey'

Mom, Keisha, and I take one last picture before Mom catches the bus back to Houston, Texas. Keisha is not happy her Nana is leaving.


That's one of the many things I said to my mom before she got on the bus to head back to Texas on Monday afternoon. Even now, at 4:45 AM, when she is probably in Tennessee somewhere, I recall the moment so vividly. And with tears.

Aside from my own family (Jennie and Keisha), I am the closest to my mom. I remember when she arrived at our home on Sunday, October 27, 2002. Wow. She lived with us for 11 months.

I often wonder why we cry during these times of parting. I remember the first time my sister and I were heading back home after spending a Christmas break with my mom and family in Texas. She was the more emotional among all of us then. But I let the tears flow on Monday afternoon.

Keisha has still been on her fall intercession, so she was with me. I could tell she felt very sad, but she didn't cry like mom and me. I kept telling her that it was okay to cry, though.

I guess I cry because I know I won't be able to see my mom, whom I love so very dearly, for a long time. I won't be able to stop by her room upstairs and chat about what happened at work, or life in general. She won't be joining us any more for family dinners. She won't be teasing Keisha around the house any more. I miss these things already.

At the same time, we're almost out of this house. We closed the short-sale on Friday, and we're moving this coming weekend. Almost two and a half years' worth of memories have been accumulated, and I find it heart-wrenching to have to deal with the change. To be true, I've been in denial for so long. I guess you could say that I'm grieving the change that's gone on in our family.

Jennie has helped me to get to the point where I'm able to accept what's happening, and I lover her all the more for it.

With all the financial trouble we've been in this year, the one thing that was constant was that we had this house. It's been comfortable to live here. I guess it's been too comfortable.

Similarly, mine and Jennie's lives have changed. When we first moved into this place, I had a job as an IT consultant, making enough money so that Jennie didn't have to work and could stay home with Keisha. Now, Jennie works during the day as a nurse's aide, and I'm a bartender, working days and nights. Our income is not what it was when we first moved into the house either.

Well, change is gonna do us good. I'm glad to be moving into an apartment. Owning a house was just too much for us to handle, and we've learned a lot about the real estate market in this area, too. I'm praying that we'll find neighbors that can become our best friends and for Keisha to find someone her age with whom she can play.

We'll see how things turn out in the next few weeks. By then, this transition will be complete, for the most part.