A Day With Low Seratonin, A Day With Self-Injury

I guess some may look at the title and be puzzled. When I recently saw my psychiatrist, he increased the amount of Lexapro I'm to take, so that I'll have more seratonin in my brain, which will help offset the OCD-type symptoms (read: self-injurious behavior, mainly picking at scabs to make them bleed). These symptoms have been aggravated by the Adderall, which I'm taking for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I've seen the Adderall help in my ability to focus my attention when and where I want it, but I still haven't stopped the picking behavior.

I regret that I didn't immediately get the prescription filled when I got it over a week ago (Procrastination is classic ADHD behavior, by the way.). This past Thursday I took the last dose of the medicine from the old prescription, and as of yesterday I still hadn't filled the new prescription. So I didn't take my Lexapro last night, which means that all day today, I've been without the seratonin to help offset the picking behavior.

So I picked at scabs today. A lot. I currently have several on my upper right arm, the outside part that faces those to my right. They were initially acne-type "things" that I'd tried to "pop." Eventually I just decided to start scratching. In addition, I have some scabs on my left leg, just above the ankle but below the calf. These I got from getting bitten by a mosquito or something.

It is interesting for me to say all of this because it was just a few days ago that I'd remarked to Jennie while we were in the car that I'd been feeling less of a desire to pick at my scabs. I told her I didn't know if it was the medicine that was working, or if I'd just gotten bored of doing it, or what.

Then today happens. I'm tempted to be very hateful of myself and to lash out at myself with words. I realize consciously that that is not effective.

Fortunately for me, Jennie had the prescription filled today, and I've since taken my dose for tonight. She's also put some vitamin E on the scabs to help them heal. I usually put hydrogen peroxide on them to help prevent infection, but I noticed this morning that we were out.

Tomorrow is another day, thankfully.