Wednesday, April 18, 2007

It's Been An Emotional Day

It's been an emotional time for Jennie, Keisha, and me. Last night I mentioned the trip to the ER. I also mentioned it on Twitter a couple of times.

I took today off work to help get Jennie to her OB/GYN appointment. The doctor said that it doesn't look good, but for Jennie to return tomorrow for some more bloodwork. The ER did some bloodwork last night, and tomorrow's bloodwork will help determine whether the "pregnancy hormone" (HGH? Human Growth Hormone?) is increasing or decreasing. If it's increasing, the pregnancy is hanging in there. If it's decreasing, it's not. More signs from home are indicating not, but we'll see.

Even as I type this out, looking at the words, I can feel tears welling up.

This afternoon I let Keisha know what's going on, that the pregnancy isn't going well right now, and it could be lost. You might have seen my IM status change or have read the Twitter post:

telling Keisha about what's going on w/ Jennie & why we've been going 2 the ER and the OB/GYN. She wants 2 cry. Me too. Crying is good.
There have been several times that tears just come out. Weeping tears. Sobbing. It's a natural thing, but crying is always weird because I have no control over the emotion. I digress.

Tonight I got to hang out with some guys from church. Two of them wanted to buy me dinner to celebrate my birthday, which was two days ago. Afterward we went to an all-men's midweek church meeting.

Talking about stuff like this with other people is SO therapeutic. Even your notes and emails saying you're thinking of us and praying for us are tremendously helpful. Keisha and Jennie are very impressed to know we have people in Canada, Oklahoma, California, Illinois, Indiana, Florida, Utah, Oregon, and elsewhere thinking of us and praying for us. We've never met you in person, but somehow through this "social media playground", we've touched one another's lives. It's such a good thing.

I spoke with our minister briefly before tonight's meeting about what's been going on. It's been a very weird dynamic. Five days ago we found out we were going to have another child; today it looks like it might not happen.

He shared that he and his wife went through several instances like that. They even had a son that was about to be born (full-term); three days beforehand, the heart stopped beating and he was gone.

I guess human nature is to wonder why things like this happen. I know I often wonder why. I believe that God is so good, and He knows what is best for us. I believe He operates on a completely different plane of understanding from us - that's the lesson of Job in the Bible. Maybe it's not for us to know why. All I can say is that there is so much other stuff that's going on around us and within us as a result, and this can only be for good.

So, tomorrow we may find out we've lost the baby. I noticed that I've held back from using that term on purpose. A loss like this hurts bad, really bad at times; but it's not more than we can handle. Your comfort goes a long way in helping, to be sure.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

-- 2 Corinthians 1:3-5


Margaret said...

Dan,Jennie and Keisha- there aren't words to describe what I feel right now.
I am sad that you three have to go this.I am sad for Jennie, she is who will feel the brunt of this emotionally and physically.
I am sad for you Dan,my eldest son.I know what being a father means to you and you are a most admirable Dad to Keisha.I was so excited for this abay to have you as his/her Dad and Jennie as its Mommy.And Keisha was going to be the best big sister ever.
And I am sad for me because I was looking forward to being Nana to another little one.

I will consider this little one a part of our family regardless whether we get to hold him/her in our arms.He/she was always a blessing.
Know that Gramps and Grandma are up there and if this little soul has to cross over they will be there to welcome him/her home.
In such a little time this perfect little soul touched so many folks.

We don't know why these things happen.It's human to question.We just have to accept that God has His plan and there is perfection within that plan.

I love you guys so much and am here if you need me.

Daniel said...

I love the Official Mom.