Like Peeing on the Floor
This may sound like a strange title, but you'll get what I mean as you read on.
We came home tonight from a meeting with MM and KM, two close friends of ours, to talk about our marriage. I thought things were going Ok, but Jennie didn't think so. So we discussed how she was feeling and why she was feeling that way. It turns out that I haven't been as considerate of her as I should be. In the Bible, Philippians 2:3-4 mentions that we should think of one another as better than ourselves.
I haven't been doing that, and I've realized that I'm hurting Jennie when I'm being this way. She doesn't feel loved, for example, when I spend more time at work than need be, or more time on the computer, instead of with her. It's not that she wants to hog all my time; she just needs to feel loved. She needs me, with my full attention.
We also discussed how Jennie ought to change, from my perspective. This question was very hard for me to answer at first. I started getting very emotional, to the point where I was crying. I don't know exactly where it came from - all of a sudden I was sobbing in their living room. I felt incredibly embarassed, as though I had lost control of my bladder and was peeing on their floor.
I felt guilty for once again hearing how much I've hurt my wife by my actions. I really hate myself when I do that. Feeling so bad about it, I guess, led to the guilt, which led to the depressive episode, which included the crying. It was another of those times when I struggled to find good in the situation. Boy, when this depression hits, it hits hard.
One thing I am definitely grateful for in our marriage is that our love is there, yet there are still times when I need to be affirmed. You know what I mean? I know women feel the same way - we need to hear that we're loved and appreciated.
I guess that I haven't been feeling that from Jennie lately. And she hasn't felt loved because I've let other things occupy my time instead of her. So we both have things to work on - which is why we wake up in the morning - because God isn't finished with us yet.
Oh yeah, the great thing about true friends is that they love you even when you behave like a child who's peeing on the floor.
So long and good night, everyone.
